I grew up in a Southern, religious, sheltered, African-American household in North Carolina. My mother, a caring but prudish preacher's daughter, provided extremely abstinence-focused instruction atop the abstinence-laden sex ed curriculum that I received in middle school. I was an avid reader who learned about menstruation from "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret." But my mom would spank me within an inch of my life every time she caught me reading one of my father's "dirty" books.

 

My two brothers were told to be careful and use condoms with very laissez-faire, boys-will-be-boys casualness, whereas I was instilled with the fear of disownment should I turn up pregnant. Luckily, I never did because if I had, I would have committed suicide immediately. Without hesitation. I was considered fast, boy-crazy, and flat out "bad" for having the very natural biological urges that tend to present themselves at puberty, and it took me years of self-talk to feel less 'observed' and guilty when I masturbated.  read less…

 

I hope with all my heart that your experiences learning about sex weren't as harrowing as mine were. But even today, as a 41-year-old woman, I really don't have that much to go on to continue or correct my education. I think that where you and I most certainly overlap is in our limited access to real information about sex. All of us only seem to have had the following resources at our disposal: